This is not the end.
But when I walk anywhere
its always the meaningless voices
that I can’t get out of my head
and they bring my thoughts to pain,
it can only be pain that I can think of now.
Am I liked? Are they looking at my flaws?
Did I do something that I shouldn’t have?
And though I tell myself that the answer is
what will make me feel the best I can,
my sleeping mind tells me that the answer is
whatever can throw me down.
I want to run but there is no where’s to go.
Laughing tears stream out of my eyes
and I feel as every eye turns my way,
but when I look around me at them
all I can see is the backs of their heads.
I look for somewhere that is safe
but find nothing but a public bathroom.
I enter and find myself alone,
and now its not just the voices
that I can’t get out of my head.
Now there is a silence that echoes
through my soul, drawing the thoughts out
and giving them new life when they need to go.
There is nothing I can do at this moment
to make the thoughts stay put then leave,
and now a storm rages in my mind.
This is the end, or so it seems
at the time when the storm rages on,
and now there are no more laughing tears,
now the tears come out of true remorse.
I can think of not the past or future,
but only the here and now in this “safe” place
fearful of the chance that anyone may come in.
I want to hide but at times like these
that is just simply not possible
so I let it run its course
and when it is over it leaves me tired
and leaves behind regrets that I can’t forgive.
I tell no one of what has happened
and I carry on like it never happened.
Yes, this is not the end.
In fact this is only the beginning of something great.
Only strength and compassion will come of this.
My story has yet to be completed.
My story doesn’t end here.