I have decided that I will write something here every two days. This of course means that I must write something, anything today. Sadly I have a shortage of topics to write about, so I guess I will just write about my poetry.
I wouldn’t call myself a poet, I just end up writing a lot of poetry. I guess it helps sort of to get the purple prose out of my system for when I go to write something larger like a short story or novel. I wouldn’t call myself a poet because I don’t constantly think about poems that I could write even though I do think of ideas often. I try not to write them in my head though in the end I do and the idea can easily get wrecked because of it. Mostly I think of my story ideas. I think of the best ways to portray the characters I am creating to live through the story, which setting would work the best in an artistic and practical way, and how the story will be written (ie. with a lot of dialogue, as an innocent children’s story). I am not a poet, just someone who writes poetry when there is writer’s block in the way of writing a story.
Though I have written a couple of stories in the form of poems. Those never end up turning out that well. They always end up less popular than my short story structured stories. I find that it’s just not worth it to write stories in the form of poems. What I do write into poems are powerful personal instances where I felt a lot of emotion. Since most of these instances were caused by anxiety much of my poetry is influenced by it. This causes my poetry to become dark and sad. I have had people who have read my poetry and told me that they found it creepy and depressing, and honestly I must agree with them. I do write depressing poems, I write depressing stories as well. I can’t even write a story without there being a hint of something dark hidden between the lines and in the spaces between words.
I am one of those people who remember small things. Big events are slightly harder to remember than that one person unknowingly stopping an anxiety attack, or that one time when I listened to a whole group of cadets singing Don’t Stop Believing by Journey at once. It is these tiny events that I base my writing off of because it is these moments when I feel the most. I wonder if other people feel what I do, but I usually doubt it because I was the outlier in many of my friend groups when growing up. I was always the quiet kid who did well in school and who everyone knew was going to go off to University. I was always the only one in my school with a deep fascination with Archaeology, who read fantasy novels, and who plays video games with Minecraft being the exception solely for the story.
I guess since I am unique the way I write poetry must also be unique. However I know that I am not the only person to use such small moments to write poetry nor will I be the last. I know that there has to be at least another person with these same interests, but I don’t care if I find that person. I know a lot of people and the ones I know from Youth Synod are by far the most understanding. They don’t care what my interests are, as long as I share in the community that is formed by the Anglican Church.
I am getting tired and I have digressed so far from my original topic. I have also begun writing using formal words such as digress. It is time to stop writing and to post this on my blog. Good night internet.